Sweet Bella has left for Rainbow Bridge

Disability.  When one hears this word, feelings of sadness, struggle, lonliness, etc. emerge.  Not many positive words come jumping at you to say, "Wow, how awesome to be disabled".  The truth is, there are a few words that now come to mind.  Only after, of course, one becomes disabled.  The first word (or two words) is, "awesome parking"! :o)  Yes, finally getting the best parking spot in a busy mall at Christmas is surely a blessing!  As everyone else does the parking lot polka racing for the next back up lights to appear, I can smoothly slide into my marked handicapped parking spot.  AHA! I want to say...sucks to be you!  But alas, the struggles of mobility disability rope me into keeping my mouth shut.  But I snicker to myself anyway! ;o)

The second positive word that elicits happiness with disability is 'dog'.  Service dog to be exact.  Sweet Bella joined our family in July 2009.  First as a pet, and then after realizing how smart & easy to train she was, she became my service dog in training.  We signed up with UDS (United Disability Services) to help us train her for the important work she was to do.  When we bought Bella, she was sick with demodec mange, but her sweet disposition and temperament won us over.  (Along with multiple vet opinions stating that this type of mange is easy to treat and all would be well).  All was not well and Bella struggled with immune issues in the 9 months we were blessed with her.  Things from GI upset, pancreatitis, and finally that which ended up causing her to die...bacterial meningitis.  We truly don't know what caused her to develop this meningitis, but she was dieing before our eyes.  We had no choice but to end the suffering she had been dealing with.  Our Sweet Bella died in my arms on May 31st, 2010.  She had just turned 1 two weeks earlier. 

I've lost a pet before, even our 16 year old dog.  But the grief and pain I'm feeling is overwhelming.  I've heard that losing a service dog is more heartbreaking than if she was a regular pet.  That might be true.  We spent hundreds of hours training her as well as my many hours of researching training & health advice.  Now we are left with nothing but sweet memories, of the puppy who not only began helping me with simple tasks, but licking away the tears of lonliness, pain and sadness.  When Dale & the kids went to his family's home for holidays and picnics, I was left home alone.  But Sweet Bella and I enjoyed each others company and happiness filled my heart as Bella's kisses evicted despair from it's former perch.  I knew a love unlike any other.  She was becoming my physical support and most definitely my emotional one.

Rest in peace Sweet Bella.  You will always be muppy and I am forever grateful for all you've taught and given me.  I loved you with everything I had and only wish our time together was much longer. 

Grief sucks.  Today especially.  Dale, Kelli and the kids went up to Dorney Park and Wildwater Kingdom.  Here I am, home alone again.  Laying in bed doing nothing.  These are the days Bella nurtured my heart & soul.  Her company kept me from finding those dark places none of us like to visit.  So now I find distraction to keep me focused on joy.  (The longer I live in bed, the harder it becomes to find joy!).  Netflix just so happened to send me a free trial certificate this morning.  Thank you God! So already I've watched Julie & Julia.  What a great movie indeed!  After a nap I think I'll watch another movie or two.  By then the family will be home and happiness will return! :o)  I can't wait for the day we can hang out at an amusement park together again.  Now for that nap.....